Are you a homeschool fraud? ‘Cause I am, and I’m starting a freaking club.
It all started last month when the middle schooler decided to lose her ever-loving mind. You might call it 13-year-old hormones. I call it Satan’s minions with unicorn rainbows. Who knows what might set the crazy off? Not me, and certainly not her father. I think he feels like he’s in the midst of some kind of insane horror show. His wife is going through pre-menopause, and his oldest daughter is going through puberty. It’s not really safe in this house for anyone male (good thing the man-child is at college).
Anyhow, I digress. So, the Satanic Unicorn decided to make this homeschool year a living hell each-and-every day.
Each morning started the same way. Beg her to come down to school for 2 hours. S/U (’cause that’s a long nickname) would then drag herself into the kitchen in her pajamas with a look of complete disgust on her face. Disgust for what, you may ask? I don’t know… the weather, the kitchen paint color, the fact that she has to live with so many annoying people, that she can’t sleep like a vampire. You tell me. I honestly never know.
The next two hours were spent in the following manner:
10 minutes of school.
15 minutes of lecturing on why you can’t roll your eyes and refuse to answer any questions while proclaiming everything is stupid.
10 minutes of school.
30-minute lecture about “tone of voice” and not acting like everything your sister does is the equivalent of fingernails scratching on a blackboard.
10 minutes of school.
20-minute break while mom scours her hidden spots for chocolate and rethinks having children in the first place.
10 minutes of school.
Oh, My Word!!! Is it not lunchtime yet????
The last 15 minutes were usually a blur induced by copious amounts of chocolate and Coke Zero.
So after two weeks of torture, the dams released and the torrent of pubescent hormonal rage flooded into the already raging rapids of pre-menopausal hormones. The resulting flood wiped out an entire civilization.
And I gave up.
Yep, I called an audible (except I don’t really know what an audible is, but it sounds like it would fit in this scenario). I freaking gave up. I called quits. I vowed I was so done.
And, that day my husband enrolled her in the local Christian school.
For the next three days, I cried at the drop of a hat, refused to discuss anything with pretty much anyone, and decided to quit blogging. I mean, really, how can I keep blogging about homeschooling when one of my kids just dropped out of my homeschool?
I am a homeschool fraud.
Don’t I advocate homeschool as one of the best decisions we have ever made? Yep.
Don’t I think spending time with my kids is one of the most important parts of my life? Yep.
Don’t I tell people all the time that they can get through this [fill-in-the-blank] in their homeschool and that not all days are peaches-and-cream? YES!
Don’t I assure moms that it’s okay if homeschooling isn’t working right now and that each season is different? Oh, wait. Do I say that?
Don’t I believe that each family should make the decision that is best for them at that time? Um, well, yeah.
So why don’t I take my own advice?
Yeah, that’s an excellent question. And I think I have the answer. It’s because advice is easily given when you are on the outside looking in. I can peek into other people’s homeschools and see that what they think is the worst thing that has ever happened is really just a blip. It’s a moment in time that will change their homeschool and their family, but it won’t be the disaster they think it will.
But, I can’t do that when I’m living it.
I can’t see beyond the fact that my heart is breaking. I can’t see beyond the tears when I’m missing her so bad it physically hurts. I can’t look past the field trips that she can’t go on with us. I can’t let go of the fact that once again I have another baby who is growing up and no longer needing me. I can’t. I simply can’t.
And so I’m a homeschool fraud.
I can’t take my own advice. I can’t see that this isn’t going to ruin our lives. I can’t stop thinking that someday soon she will realize she doesn’t really want to hang out with other teenagers and she needs her mom.
I want to take my own advice. But, I’m in the middle of it, and I can’t see beyond it. I just want it always to stay the same. I don’t want my kids to grow up and change. And, I certainly don’t want to admit that my role in her life just got a little bit smaller.
So, for now, I’m going to soak up every moment when she’s a unicorn blowing rainbow bubbles, and eat a lot of chocolate when she’s not.
But, I’m still starting a club. Membership fees are any form of chocolate — except for the dark kind. That stuff is awful.
P.S. Sorry for all the crass adjectives. My mother will NOT be impressed.
P.S.S. For those of you who are most definitely not homeschool frauds, I do not actually think my daughter is one of Satan’s minions. Though, I swear I’ve seen her head rotate all the way around. Just kidding! Please don’t comment that I’m a devil worshipper ’cause I’m living on the edge and might respond before I’ve had chocolate.
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Hi, I’m Dachelle. I’m a homeschooling mom of 3 in the South. I love chocolate and have been known to hide it from my children. I can often be found reading a good book (or even sometimes just an okay book) and enjoying a jar of Nutella — don’t judge. I blog, here, at HideTheChocolate.com when I’m not creating book clubs and making lists…lots and lots of lists (it’s an addiction). Learn more…
This sooo sounds like me and the red head!! High school years I threatened public school about every other day and I meant it! We did manage to survive but it was only after I …well I won’t say on here what I did or I will probably get hate comments! But it worked! LOL But girl – I feel your pain! I hope she is doing well at the Christian school and that you are adjusting. Love you!
Hahaha!! Oh, Johna, thank you! And, please PM me the details. I’m open to any suggestions!
LOL!!! My daughter is thirteen. I sooo understand.
Welcome to the club!
My sweet boy is advanced for his age. He’s 12 and he’s already made me so mad this week that I launched my coffee cup into the sink, and stormed outside to cry on my front deck.
Teenagehood is gonna be the end of me. Sigh. Pass me the Fraud Club signup form.
HAHAHA!! “advanced for his age” Oh, Nadine, I love that! And, yeah, sending you the membership form.
I feel all your feels, Dachelle. How can one of our very goals for them (to grow up healthy and independent) be so incredibly emotionally painful?! Love and chocolate headed your way. (I love the dark stuff, but I suspect you will like me anyway because that leaves more of the other kinds for you. 😜🍫❤️)
Thanks, Nicola. I’ll send you all my dark stuff!
Dying laughing! I couldn’t eat enough chocolate on Friday to get through the day with my middle child. Because middle child!!!! All the threats in my head about school!! I held off for now, he’s only 8 😳 I should definitely add Nutella to my stash!!!! Thanks for keeping it real!
Nutella helps! Good luck and thanks!
My daughter was only 9 when the S/U showed up. After two weeks into the third grade homeschool year and hearing every 5 minutes, “I don’t like school! I’m not going to school! And you can’t make me!” We decided to put her little butt in a public school for a much needed rest for us, and an attitude adjustment for her. The first day of school, we had to pry her fingers from the car door, and carry her in kicking and screaming. After she calmed down and gave us a look that if it could kill we would have been dead, we went home. My husband sat quietly and I cried. she begged to homeschool everyday, and we refused. We wanted her to get the full affects of why we were homeschooling her in the first place. By the end of the year we were having to get the resource officer to light a fire under her butt several times in order to even get her to stayed dressed and go to school. If I had of had all the chocolate I thought I needed to deal with her drama, I would be the new owner of Hersey’s by now! She is now in 5th grade and has HS for the past two years. And I’m proud to say that even though she is going through puberty, The S/U has not shown back up!
It is so hard. I’m glad it worked out for you. I’m hoping that this year will be a learning experience for all of us and we’ll come out better. And thank goodness for chocolate! 😉
Hilarious! Sounds like you did the right thing 🙂 Once the hormones settle down, she may want to come back to homeschool
I hope so. Fingers crossed.
I have a 13 year old daughter & she went to public school in 7th grade. It was hard at first but now I see it was best for her & me. Now I enjoy homeschooling my 11 year old son without crazy drama. It’s all worked out for everyone’s good!
Thanks for sharing your story. I’m hoping it works out well for us, too.
You are exactly what I needed this week as I’m ready to quit homeschooling after three days. 😂😂
OH NO!! Some days, weeks, months… are like that. Get some chocolate and join the club!
I just want to thank you so much for being real! My 13 year old is making every one of us miserable and I felt like I was the only one. After 8 years of homeschooling, school is definitely in his very near future. It is so hard for me to accept that that leaving the home will be the better choice for him, but it is so clearly the right answer. Again, thank you so much for sharing!
I totally get it. And, I still whine to my husband that I want her to be at home. But, then she comes home and incites everyone to anger and I realize it’s best if she does her own thing for a while. I know that my sweet baby is still in there. I just have to wade through the hormones to find her. Much love to you. Know that this too will pass. However, not to bum you out, but my boy-child is just coming out of it at almost 20. Get some chocolate. You’re gonna need it. 🙂
I feel your pain! We cover all the bases here. My 16yo son is in a private school (autism program), my 15yo daughter goes to the public high school, and my 12yo daughter is still in homeschool! There are days I fell like I have to swim through the hormones to cross the room! The drama of high school life makes me want to bring my middle child back home but alas, her passion is marching band and of course only p/s students are allowed to participate.
To complicate matters, I cut all sugar out of my diet a few months ago!! Why in the world did I do this with three hormonal kids in the house?!? I cannot tell you how close I was to making a chocolate run last night!
I can relate to every single part of this comment! I’m here with you. And, a friend brought me a giant tub of Nutella yesterday. So much for the no sugar diet. Sigh.
Oh my world, Dachelle! I didn’t know if I laughed or cried reading this. Girl, mine are 9 and 11 and let me tell you about the hormonal change crazy state they are. They are saint one minute and next they are yelling aggressively on each other. Worse than that is the 17 years-old whose drama can be more like a 14 year-old! Help us, Lord!
You are not a fraud, never were and never will be! We all go through this. Thank God for chocolate!
Love you!!
The tween years are ROUGH. I still have one there, but she’s slowly moving to her sister’s phase of life. I will need way more chocolate!
Oh my gosh! Satanic unicorn with winged eyeliner!!! Please send me a membership form. This is the story of my life with our 14 year old. She also wants to sleep like a vampire. This has MADE MY MORNING!
HAHA!!! I love the description! I’m glad I’m not the only one. Membership form on the way!
Oh, how this spoke to my heart. I started in February homeschooling our sons 11 and almost 13 while in menopause . I don’t care what anyone says, boys have crazy hormones! I daily threaten military school and I am not kidding! Oh, I have hidden chocolate and sweets everywhere, just for when the stress levels get the best of me!
Oh girl, the boys are bad, too! My oldest tortured us for years and is just now getting back to himself. So, there is hope!
Oh my gosh, thank you for the hilarious but very honest read! I have a 9 year old who already acts like a hormonal teenager…I am dreading puberty with her!
I’ll send you some chocolate!