Today my I interviewed a homeschool mama about how she continued to homeschool throughout her miscarriage. She very honestly opens up about what it’s like to grieve the loss and deal with the physical aspects of miscarriage. She has asked to remain anonymous.
What are some of the struggles you had to deal with while homeschooling during your miscarriage?
Some of my struggles during miscarriages included:
Trying not to cry in front of kids all day long.
I gave myself a week of sweatpants and no makeup after the last miscarriage.
Occupying the kids.
If the weather was nice, they could play outside. The TV is limited to an hour a day on weekdays in our home so binge watching during my tough seasons was allowed and enjoyed.
Audible books were great because there was no way I could read to them.
Chores were easy. There’s nothing quite like asking a kid to do his chores with red, puffy eyes, and tears coming out- ha! They usually get real quiet and do it without argument.
Learning how to occupy the kids so I can grieve and process the loss is probably the most important thing. I can’t give much at all to them, but I’m responsible for them. I had to tell them, “Sorry, I’m not taking you to lessons this week. Sorry, we’re not doing this, this, or this.”
And you know what? They did just fine.
They loved getting extra time with their hobbies and toys. They got pretty creative, too!
Letting someone else help.
With a second-trimester loss, I spent 5 days unexpectedly in the hospital leaving 8 kids at home with their grandmother. She was about nuts by the time I got home and I was so sad I couldn’t function.
I’m fairly certain she had the kids do their independent work stacks (math, phonics, handwriting, reading) while I was gone, and I may have had them go through those each day I was back, but I just don’t remember.
Taking some time off.
I took a week off from my usual organized homeschooling.
This last 10-week miscarriage started on a Friday, conveniently we’re off on Fridays, and I stayed in bed all weekend. By Monday, I was able to do as Pam Barnhill says, a minimum viable day. The kids did their stacks and I read to them (or we listened to audiobooks).
What would you like other homeschoolers who are dealing with the same struggles to know that might encourage them?
When difficult times come (usually unplanned!) it is important to rely on our faith and take care of ourselves.
After I had tiny baby Henry, a hurricane came through (I felt bad being sad because so many people had just lost their homes), company came (we couldn’t cancel), and we had to take a trip for my son. I had not had time to grieve and process and it all about pushed me over the edge.
We serve in a huge role as mothers, homemakers, and hometeachers. My husband is not a natural helper so I had to ask. I had to say, “a woman going through a miscarriage (this was a 10-week loss) gets to stay in bed all weekend. Would you please feed everyone, do the dishes, and run a load of laundry so my Monday doesn’t overwhelm me?” He stepped up to the plate and took over for me. It wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t asked.
I had to give myself permission to stay in sweatpants, not wear makeup (scary! haha), and just check off each day that I was up, “dressed”, had coffee and prayed, and tried to smile at and enjoy how my living children were playing. As I eased back in my roles, I picked up my chores more and then the teaching duties.
As far as faith goes, I had to say some inspiring verses over and over again because I didn’t feel anything but numb. I didn’t feel the love of Christ; I felt alone. I kept recording my gratitude each day, thanking people who checked on us or brought food and reading scripture verses.
Weeks later, I remember telling someone “I hate feeling so sad. I’m dressed. I’m going through the motions of my life (full mode by then), but I have this huge heaviness – a weight – that is like a veil over me.”
What has been the hardest thing to overcome?
I think the hardest thing to overcome is that famous saying, “Let go and let God.”
It is so hard to not have answers of why bad, painful things happen and to let go of our usual plans, routines, and standards.
It’s hard to ask for specific help, but it’s important to realize that the people who do help are usually very happy to do so.
It’s hard to keep putting one foot in front of the other, and trusting that God will carry us through. But He does. Over and over again.
Just keep saying, “It is only for a season, it is just for today. His mercies are new every morning.” And one day, things will get better and easier.
But, also know that you might need professional intervention. Clinical depression can be very serious.
How to Homeschool in the Midst of the Hard Things Series
This is day 29 of the Homeschooling in the Midst of Hard Things Blog Series. We are so glad you are here! You can find the entire series by clicking the graphic below.
Hi, I’m Dachelle. I’m a homeschooling mom of 3 in the South. I love chocolate and have been known to hide it from my children. I can often be found reading a good book (or even sometimes just an okay book) and enjoying a jar of Nutella — don’t judge. I blog, here, at HideTheChocolate.com when I’m not creating book clubs and making lists…lots and lots of lists (it’s an addiction). Learn more…